Yes. And show up and do the work. Both.
The puzzle of my life is how to do both. Two weeks have gone by since my last post. I’ve been shoveling a lot of snow. That is not a good excuse. There is always going to be something that is unexpected and needs to be done.
As I was shoveling, I did a lot of thinking and wondering why I write this blog. When I started I thought it might be a way to earn money doing something enjoyable and worthwhile. After doing more research, I decided against putting time into that aspect of blogging. I still enjoy it and I still think it is worthwhile. I decided one post each weekend is a good routine.
Last weekend I could not decide on a topic. I started two drafts: “Make Time for What is Important” and “Why I Go to Church”. I did not finish either of them. Wednesday morning I got the news that the worldwide organization of my church rejected the LGBTQ+ community. I was deeply disappointed. More than disappointed. I was emotionally wounded and had a hard time getting myself to work that morning. I just could not believe that my church would be exclusive and I was worried for my local clergy that would now be forced to make difficult choices about their careers. All of us who attend that church will need to make difficult choices about whether to stay or go. Thanks to the people at work who talked with me that morning. It helped me get back into the mindset that was required for my job.
Walking Saturday morning just after sunrise I was struck by the beauty of the snow that had caused me so much difficulty all week. Friday night we received another five inches or so of light powdery snow that was wonderful to walk through in tall boots. It had no weight at all. Walking over areas of plowed snow was more difficult, but that was fine with me as well. I experienced a nice contrast of easy and difficult walking.
I am drawn to images of choices and changes in direction lately. There are choices to make at church, at my job, at home, with my art and with this blog. They are all choices about how to spend my time. Every choice I make means there is something else, also important, that I am choosing not to do. Decision fatigue is very real for me. Sometimes I waste time because I cannot choose.
I tried a new way to motivate myself to be productive: I set a timer for 8 hours. When I was working on my to-do list, I let the timer run. When I took a break, I paused the timer. When the timer ran out, I gave myself permission to stop for the day. A guilt-free evening of watching shows with my daughter was my reward. That method worked well for me. I think for weekdays the amount of time on the timer will be different, I will need to figure that out. (More decisions. Ugh. Must not let it get me down.)
Part of that time I made art using the snow. The main idea here is changing directions.
More about my snow labyrinth in my next post.
Do you also sometimes realize that the thing that was causing your frustration can also be the thing that points you toward finding beauty in life? I’d love to hear about it.